Instead Of My Bone-Hungry Landlord

Please get me something I actually want for my birthday: colorful smoke, anything. As it is, my finer birthday memories to this point have all come courtesy the Weather Channel. Besides colorful smoke, I would also be interested in any of the various kinds of rough movement, e.g., kayaking through rapids, aggressive car racing, sexual intercourse with other humans and/or farm animals, random dialing with a wan smile, entering vouchered museum specimens into databases, etc. I do like quaint little fur hats, but please don't get me another one; my tastes are very specific.

With licorice shadows laying silent licks on the telecasters, the smiles of the band members reminded several in the audience of petite spaghetti in crayola colors.