Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Landed Using A Combination Of Shame And Degradation

From: Management
To: Staff_All
Sent: Thu, December 32, 2010 5:12:48 AM
Subject: Work Crystals

Attention employees: please remember to deposit your work crystals in the work crystal depository at the end of every work day. Anyone who fails to do this will have their wages withheld for 40 days and will clean all coffee machines in the complex during this time. Additionally, all plastic utterances must be held at the front desk for the entirety of every work day. Postdoctoral socialization must be conducted only at night or during scheduled breaks. Any extramural evidence found will be used in the prosecution of all cases involving ritual vocation coating and/or frequent biological stick-carrying. Furthermore, violators will be corralled and glittered- scheduling TBD by management.

Please return to your company-mandated bulb study until further notice.

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