Angels' Eggs Under His Royal Guard

Scientists in Belgium have discovered a way to grow chicken legs on aphids, meaning many more - and much smaller - chicken legs for the world, in an attempt to meet skyrocketing food consumption. Having tried these things out, let me tell you that eating hundreds of tiny chicken legs in a single bite is like the Queen telling you that you are the Queen now. I feel obliged to point out, however, that after eating the tiny chicken wings, one is left with a spiraling funnel gushing five-pound notes from the mouth(s), which some, including this author, have found to be rather uncomfortable.

UPDATE: after I wrote that last passage, I felt that death was upon me and this continues my body shaking wildly until this very moment, as though every individual cell is made of planet-sized bursts of ionized atoms. But I think it is just a coincidence.