Tuesday, March 17, 2009

e.g. Scooters, Vacation, Fall

Be careful about those who tell you about Bishop Humper. On behalf of this publication, I wrote to Bishop Humper and got the following reply, reprinted with permission in its entirety:

Where about is this ??? i know it where no inhabitinse is but i just wanna know where lol ! ! !

After many, many messages and lots of etymological deciphering, we actually managed to meet for coffee at a dance club near the edge of town. The first thing he said to me was, "I like to think of myself as high-risk cervical human papillomavirus infection in women." To which I patiently responded, "to avoid a result of manifest absurdity or injustice you should consider the efficacy of treatment with Intense Pulsed Light (IPL) on recalcitrant hand and foot warts."

Our conversation went on for several hours, but in the end, I left the dance club with very little material I could use. His last statement did echo in my head as I drove away, and haunts me to this day:

How do you get a bible humper to stop harassing you? Slam the bible shut on his cock!

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