These Refuseniks

I was sitting around my apartment breathing the other day when it hit me: a 2x4, right in the face! "Weird," I thought in my post-facial-trauma haze. In that moment—it may have been a year, it may have been only a few milliseconds—I was a contestant on The Price Is Right. I kept shouting, "Two hundred thirty-four dollars! Two hundred thirty-four dollars!" But it was coming out of my mouth in slow motion. Not only that, but Bob Barker kept asking, "Don’t you think fifty-seven dollars is a little low for this fine item...?" I lost the round, and, back in my apartment, continued breathing. I was only bleeding a little, I guess. I don’t know. There are no mirrors or reflective surfaces in my apartment for me to have checked that out, so get off my case.

The Hangovers "Duck Song" (buy)