International Excuse Day 22

I wrapped your house with 4.34 tons of Oscar Meyer® Deli Style Shaved Meat Brown Sugar Ham, Christo-style, because every single one of the tiny multi-colored lightbulbs on my string of Xmas lights was burnt out one time when I wanted to use them.

Carl Stone “Violence” (buy)

Cramped Quarters Reach Horizon

“All three limbs were shortened to make reattachment possible,” she said.
“Well, that explains it!,” he exclaimed; laughing and throwing back her head, he continued, “I mean-- I love sausage!”

Ivo Papasov and his Orchestra “Hristianova Kopanitsa” (buy)

Pitfalls Of Being Social

What’s paradise to me? Easy—riding my motorcycle with a bottle of JD in one hand and my gun in the other, eyes closed, just feeling the wind in my hair, and the hair on my back.

Dusty Springfield “Great Shakes Ad” (buy)
Einstürzende Neubauten “Jordache Ad” (buy)

Lubes Top Views List

57-year old Benny Farr of Get Your Hand Clock, Repliacs, Todday & Auerbach Industries said, "We have no intention of allowing children in pants into the ring."

One amateur official told a by-stander: "Pubescent kids are not going to take part if they don't look like cool stuff."

Def Dames “Kut ‘N’ Up Suckas!” (buy)

Proof Of Existence

-Purists wince at the sight of a white-tinged clover amongst the more delicate shamrock leaves.
-The purists would wince, but he'd have the brightest car on the track, and what an advertising writeoff!
-two modified Demons also make purists wince, bit I love 'em.
-Yoga purists wince at the word 'therapy'
-Purists wince at whole, skinned potatoes in biryani
-Sitting in the audience, one could hear the purists wince. Ah joy.
-I'm sure purists wince and rail at it, but it's a perfectly good verb
-to have forged a kind of relationship with ACC that could make brand purists wince even while warming the cockles of cost accountants...

Tubeway Army “That’s Too Bad (Live)” (buy)

Before Or After The Turtle Buying?

Easy Worship-Lite is a church™ presentation software designed to easily display and examine songs, scriptures, videos, PowerPoint presentations about pussy and alerts to your congregation’s whereabouts with lil’ or no distractions. Easy Worship-Lite has the following scripture translations available KJSCV, ASV, NASB, NKJSCV, WTF and NIV Bibles- each with a matching bib.

Les Maledictus Sound “Stupidly Made In Gaulle” (buy)

Don't Get Any On You; You're Soaking In It

my favorite episode is where they all try to scare each other and the boys ended up losing there allownce to the girls

kansas city chiefs is my favorite football team

americas band the beach boys

Ornette Coleman “The Sphinx” (buy)

Used Wrongly, This Item Will Malfunction

"For example, an elephant going close to a farm, could send a text message, saying: 'I'm about to invade your farm'," says 48-year old Blind Incision fan, Brad McGough.

Williamson Bros. & Curry "Gonna Die With My Hammer In My Hand" (buy)

Dam Jumper Faces Demons

Hey, I just got a new credit card, and I wanted to be sure that everyone had the numbers and stuff. So, anyway, it’s a Mastercard 5276227241831121 ex:0407 It has a $2500 limit, but I’ve already got a few things on it.

So, yeah, I just wanted to be sure that you knew that.

The Brady Bunch “Keep On” (buy)

Swam For A While, Ate

Have you ever had a friend named Greg?
Have you ever had a broken leg?
Have you ever seen a turkey flattened by the metallic vengeance of a bus?
Have you ever had a friend named Greg?

Gendér Wayang Group of Teges Kanyinan “Sekar Sungsang” (buy)

2T&AC Presents The Special® 2T&AC Presents: Special 13th Month Anniversary Special Edition: "Handy Tips For Train Riders"

2T&AC Presents:

Handy Tips For Train Riders:

1. Triangulate.
2. Find the river.
3. Always stand directly outside the train’s doors for at least a few seconds when exiting.

The Special® 2T&AC Presents Handy Tips For Train Riders Special:

Hal Linden’s home address™!
416 N. Bristol Ave. Brentwood

Dummy Run “People Like Us Like People Like Us” (buy)

Triumph Of Retreatism

Dear woman on the train,

I do believe you are wearing the single sparkliest beret I have ever seen. Congratulations.

Sincerely,
2T&AC

Elton & Betty White “Paranoia Schizophrenia”
Elton & Betty White “A Woman’s Best Look Is From Behind”

The Blender On 'Pulse'

Fifteen headless zombies suggested Monday afternoon that Dan Rather stayed in the chair too long. The zombies, whom Rather escaped from 24 years ago Wednesday, told some passers-by in an interview televised Monday afternoon that a stuffed raccoon, who will replace Rather on an interim basis, should have been drained of all his blood sooner. "He is, to our minds, the one who, with all respect and so on, quite frankly, in our honest opinions, although Dan did a "fine" job, and would have continued to do a "fine" job, we would have liked to have seen in a coffin a long time ago," the 15 headless zombies said through elaborate hand gestures and scribbled notes.

Christian Marclay & Otomo Yoshihide “Blood Eddy” (buy)

I Don't 'Get' Xiu Xiu

"Woven" superstretch polyesterthene ensures comfort and flattery, day to night to day to night after day. Features a smooth, hidden elastic waist -- gentle and non-binding, but with plenty of give. A wardrobe must-have you’lll wear every season. Hey, That’s Neat™ stitched creases; back shaping darts and forks; elastic stirrups. Inseams: Average. Wrinkle resistantly easy care. Machine to wash and/or dry. Made in USA or imported.

International Harvester “Dies Irae” (buy)

For A Giant Tit

Retracted: US $13,200.00
Explanation: Entered wrong amount
Cancelled: US $14,250.00
Explanation: asked me to
Retracted: US $40,000.00
Explanation: Entered wrong amount
Retracted: US $1,225.00
Explanation: Entered wrong amount
Retracted: US $14,200.00
Explanation: Entered wrong amount
Cancelled: US $14,999.00
Explanation: Administrative Cancellation
Cancelled: US $14,200.00
Explanation: Administrative Cancellation
Cancelled: US $14,000.00
Explanation: bad feedback
Retracted: US $15,000.00
Explanation: Entered wrong amount
Retracted: US $14,900.00
Explanation: Entered wrong amount
Cancelled: US $14,450.00
Explanation: no feedback
Cancelled: US $10,001.00
Explanation: negetive feedback
Retracted: US $14,990.00
Explanation: Seller changed the description of the item
Retracted: US $17,100.00
Explanation: Entered wrong amount
Cancelled: US $13,000.00
Explanation: bidder requested

Meret Becker “Gläsernes Gesicht” (buy)

Remember That Album Called Turgid Miasma Of Existence?

2T&AC Universal Fact:
Although it is much more fun, it is really hard to type while wearing finger puppets.

Björn Olsson “Mellanspel” (buy)

Something To Have Thought About

The farthest a marshmallow has been blown out of one nostril and caught in the mouth of a catcher is 4.96 m (16 ft 3.5 in), by launcher Scott Jeckel of Delavan, Illinois, USA, and catcher Ray Perisin of Peoria, Illinois, USA, on August 13, 1999.

Melt-Banana “Warp, Back Spin” (buy)