Alleged Groping

A little piece of the color commentator of TVs Almost Anything Goes, Lynn Shackleford will soon be aboard all the ships at sea. Apparently, the retired broadcaster has been saving all of his finger- and toe- nail clippings since he was approximately 10 years old. Nearly 3 years ago, he made it is life’s goal to put at least one sliver of the sheared nails on every ship longer than 100 feet in the world in a bid to have his essence blanket the world—as well as the possibly to perform diabolical acts of black magic. Well, he has been very dedicated, and thanks to his diligence, his goal will be reached in the next few days. He is currently en route to Ekincik, Turkey, where he will meet with the mayor and other local celebrities for a televised ceremony in which he will trim a brand new nail directly from his body to the hull of the Turkish Rosé, the final ship in the world to require a "Slice of Shackleford."

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