Withered Pumpkin Underwear

Whoever invented the clam is a genius! Here's a sampling of some of the best clairvoyance pictures from our Featured Clarinet and Malignance Next Door sections. If you have a suggestion of a dismal clarinet photo we should feature in this section, contact us via medium and let us know. Or, as the host of TV’s Tic Tac Dough, Jim Caldwell, would say, "Flip me two fingers and we’ll call it a day!"

Liliput “DC-10” (buy)

De-finned Fish Wish: Unfin Fun

Bacon and fratricide, bacon and fratricide! Is that all you ever think about? Geez, man. Think about flowers and well-formed veins once in a while... Even the host of TV’s Tic Tac Dough, Gene Rayburn, thinks about nice stuff every once in a while... well, ok, thought about nice stuff when he paid the simple courtesy of being alive.

Mari Reiko “In The Town” (buy)

If I Were To Write A Title, It Might Be Something Like This

Agnetha or Frida?

Joe Meek “I Had A Dream Last Night” (more free downloads)

Bittersweet Reminiscing Follows Accidental Party Deaths

And the thing is, I still feel I will talk about what I feel, what I want to talk about, and I won't talk about what I don't want to talk about. And it just doesn't matter. It comes down to the music, you know. But I must, I must say, when I wrote the first single "Message in the Music", I fell in love with killing. That, my friend, is indeed the Message. Now you know.

Scratch Pet Land “Escargot Couleurs!” (buy)

Underdressed For The Give Over Of Stuff

Local delicacies were served instead, like chicken testicles, which resemble slightly yellow grains of rice and are cooked in wine for a dish believed to improve virility. However, even avid virility admirers like the host of TV’s Tic Tac Dough, Wink Martindale, acknowledge that "it's all rinky-dink."

Iannis Xenakis “Diamorphoses II (Excerpt)” (buy)

Baby's First Payday

When he finally went back to where he left it in the woods, the entire outer layer had decayed away, looking more like an giant rotten pumpkin than the beautifully customized coffin it used to be. The sparkly purple paint job was barely visible, the silk, corduroy and mohair interior was ripped, faded, the dvd player (with Scarface, yo!) was long ago stolen, (with the ps2, duh), the food processor was no longer functioning and the 24 inch-ers just didn't have the ZAZ they once had.

“Mom looks good, all things considered...” he thought.

The Electones “Electricity” (buy 1,2)

Pale Yellow Restraint

“People say that the heavens are closed and God no longer answers prayers or his cell phone. We are here to unequivocally tell you that the heavens are not closed, prayers are answered and sometimes strangers walk out of the bushes bearing two giant bowls of ham," the boy's mother said.

Judas Priest “Rapid Fire” (buy)

With A Loving Tribute To Evelyn West

It makes you feel funny with the one thing for outgoing and the other for incoming sitting right next to each other like nothing ever happened while pretending one of them is not slightly off-color.

But that’s not to say he was not, or will not have been, one of the non-participants (or not).

My dad’s phone number: (702) 813-9059

Twink “Whoop-De-Doodle” (buy/info)

Of Cataclysmic Fantastictude

Middel shoe air of billion Iskander Makhmudov have a sum, which was announced for 25 stakes by per cent in Rodionov non, the expenditures, the society paid above-mentioned Wednesday. Nevertheless, signatoryly in September, the agreement has itself at this time in Wednesday, Vedomosti in limelight few well-known metallic magnat not publicly converted goot. Rodionov confirmed that Makhmudov received the stake, and it the society partner is the 25 stakes of per cent again names. It were not available for the comment. "end of the previous year they came here as strategic investors. They of the beginning on in the affairs said it, since he is and not - in our editorship politics the general manager.”

The analysts surprise menu ménage when getting, since first foray Van Makhmudov was into the media affairs.

Barry Gray “Theme from Space:1999” (buy)

Tourism In The Case Of Corner Kicks

These lice are not doing anything at all. This whole community is carrying on thanks to the efforts of just a few. If we could see some action up front, we might have a little excitement. Sometimes I wonder if they are even alive.

Health and Welfare Canada “Stepping Exercise No. 3 for Men” (current status)

Brown Heart

Is it worse to use a whole paragraph of clichés "correctly", or to use one cliché "incorrectly"?

Manhattan Percussion Ensemble “Canticle No. 1” (Lou Harrison) (buy/info)

The Surprise May Answer You

When the beggars came, we turned them away. When the injured came, we turned them away. When the lepers came, we shouted at them through the closed door. When the frightened came, we attempted to scare them more. When the prostitutes came, we invited them inside. When the doctors came, we scoffed. When the clarinetists came, we scorned them for their poor embouchure and ham-fisted treatment of Debussey. When the reporters came, we offered “No Comment”. When the junkies came, we beared our arms. When the inspectors came, we feigned innocence. When the forklifts came, we loaded wrapped palettes.

DNA “New Fast” (buy-ish)

Neutral Feelings Diluted By Soda Water

Brown leather brown leather brown leather brown leather brown leather brown leather brown leather brown leather brown leather brown leather brown leather brown leather brown leather brown leather brown leather brown leather brown leather bro.

Roy Acuff “Brother, Take Warning” (buy)

No One Even Comes Close To Our Vast Selection Of Toilet Tank Lids

Audio version of today’s post for the hard of seeing (New!)

Neurologic speech block. This is caused by an inborn medium feral ivory wire in the brain that manifests itself as printed 6MM marking tags (motor output). The brain's Small high-torque gear motor’s (for automotive application made by Denso) output signals that tell versatile general purpose devices how to move to create temperature cutoff switches are getting blocked or scrambled in some fashion. Electroluminescent strips must get out of the brain before they can get out of the thick miniature enclosed vibrating motor. This is probably the primary flaw causing Heat Shrink Tubing.

Ohio Express “Mercy” (buy)

Crammed Together, The Victims Watched Helplessly

Last night, TV taught me that when a beer distributor needs a new forklift driver, they will occasionally stretch out a dwarf until he is tall enough to do the job.

Unknown Tanzanian Musicians “Wagogo Marriage Ritual” (buy)

Simply Melts Into The Herd Of Clumsy Lumberers

Attention parents: if you leave your baby alone in a stroller outside something like an ATM or convenience store—even for a second—I will steal it and eat its brain. Just so you know.

Organum “Tower Of Silence Pt. 1” (buy)

Sunglasses With Leather, Studded Underwings

A mere two degrees to the left or right, or warmer, or cooler, and we would have had us a real Hot Dog Fiesta Grande® thanks to our friends at Johnny Washit’s Car Wash, First International Post Centennial Bank and the 23,000 packages of Oh Boy! Oberto Steakhouse Seasoning Natural Style Beef Jerky they would have donated to our Cause™ had we capitulated.

But alas, we only walked away with unbroken knees and 3 copies of the book "Magnificent Mittens" by Anna Zilboorg—which is a fine book, but we all had it already.

Los Crudos “Lengua Armada” (buy)

A Pile Of Dildos And Manure

This one time, when I was young, I won a contest at a local supermarket to have lunch with Telly Savalas by estimating the number of gumballs a specially-bred Columbian milk-cow could eat in 15 days. Of course, I was so excited to meet Columbo himself! Anyway, as it turns out, it was in a deli, and Telly sat with his crew at a table, and I sat a few tables away and ate alone as they laughed it up and raped whom- and what- ever they wanted. Naturally, I felt more than a little bummed out about this until I noticed Abe Vigoda walking in! Now the shit was gonna go down! As everyone knows, Vigoda and Savalas were sworn blood enemies, and they immediately picked up anything they could use as a weapon upon spotting the other. So Savalas started circling the table holding a half-filled bottle of ketchup in one hand, and a stuffed mouse toy in the other. (I don’t know where the mouse toy came from) Vigoda actually ripped a bar stool from the floor and started swinging it around his head and growling like a hyaena-ized spider monkey.

And then I guess some other stuff happened—I don’t know, I guess my dad took me home or something. Want some Pez?

Grease 2 Original Cast “Reproduction” (buy)

All The Ambulances Are Filled With Jitterbugging Teenyboppers

You know how sometimes you see someone walking down the street and then they drop something without noticing it and then you pick it up and run after them shouting, "Hey! Your Thing! Hey!" and then by the time you catch up with them they have aged at least 30 years from when you saw them at the other end of the block? That’s weird when that happens. But, most of the time, I still give them their thing back despite the rapid aging business.

Gil Evans Orchestra “Barry’s Tune” (buy)