A Herd Of Flaws

I Wish I Have Found: my (andrew’s) goat
If you will have seen him, please to have given him kool-ade and talcum powddr. He gets loanly easy, like most goats. His name is Herbie.
All goat sighters should call 415-282-8000 immediätely.

Labrosse Mori & Tetreault “Monopodii Cyclopes” (buy)

The Ol' Galapagos Gallop

So, we have been spying on our competition recently, and we have learned a few things about their methods and so on. First off, their corner is about as busy as ours. We have recorded a maximum of 33 stopped cars at every light cycle, compared to our 32. So, that's about the same. And the lights stay red for exactly the same amount of time, surprisingly, so that's not it either. Despite this, we have recorded them making as much as 27% more than we made in one day. How? Well, we video taped their actions every day and found what could be the secret: wavey-wave, smile, washy-wash. I'm sure you are wondering what the heck wavey-wave, smile, washy-wash means. Here it is: our boys only offer a smile and a pantomime of the window washing act. They, on the other hand, start with a small wave and smile and then the washing pantomime. We think this is the secret to their success. We showed it to a few focus groups to a 64% approval, with 30% not liking it at all and 6% with no reaction. Therefore, we want all of you to go out there are try the W.W.S.W.W. maneuver for the next couple of days and see how it works. Now let's go wash some windshields!

Geraldo Pino "Heavy Heavy Heavy" (buy)

Turbulent Treats

This uncharacteristically straight forward post comes thanks to Kdunk, one of our neighbors just down the cyber block at More Than Donuts. A while back, Kdunk said on her blog that she would send out a free, self-drawn postcard to anyone who asked. The amazing part: she actually did it.

(post card image formerly seen here)

Startlingly, without ever meeting me, intentionally or not, she managed to capture my entire aura—right down to my thoughts! It’s like Snoop said: “I got my mind on my donuts/and my donuts on my mind.”

So, anyway the following song is dedicated to Kdunk. The Rajasthani title roughly translates to: The hand-made postcard you sent me slightly improved my mostly-cynical view on mankind at large, at least for the moment.

Village Band “Jhumar” (buy)

What's A Nine-Letter Word For Weenie?

I know that with the Coronation ceremonies yesterday and all the wars and stuff it is sometimes hard to think of something positive to say about the US. But, as an American™, I can always take solace in the fact that, try as he might, (unless he got a job at a record store) Robbie Williams cannot sell records in the US.

Charlie Chaplin “Wages and the Wife” (buy)

Studies Of Round

So I actually met her this weekend. I guess you could say she is my nemesis. She’s the one who thinks she’s so hot. And it makes me mad, so you know what I do? I leave nasty, anonymous messages on her blog. Then I met her. She’s friends with one of my friends and I have always just loathed her from a distance. I smiled and shook her hand, and said, ‘It is nice to meet you.’

Praxis “Stronghold” (buy)

Like Twister In The Wind

OK, here’s the thing: I love it when a thing’s a thing and you just let it be that thing. But, the thing gets ruined for me when you have to take that thing and make it a thing.

Gil Trythall “Foggy Mountain Breakdown” (buy)

Do You Even Know What Those Words Mean?

Yes, R Kelly, you’re right—you found me out. Indeed, if it wasn’t for all the movie stars and children that you’ve got, I would no longer ‘want’ you.

Sincerely,
2T&AC

Bernard Parmegiani “Signes” (buy)

Detailed Description Withheld

Dear Leeza Gibbons,

Unfortunately, moortunast of what has appeared has been confusing at best and misleading or downright incorrect at worst, so I guess I have to jump in with what little I know. I hope that readers can take what guidance I can offer and at least learn long enough to make better decisions for themselves and others. In fact, I had been postponing creatin with a female inlet and a male outlet for easy in-line attachment.

Sincerely,
2T&AC

Blümchen “Achterbahn” (buy)

Hits & Headlines Haiku 3

waves trees cars buildings
make me lose my breath- get back!
gasp! Brad and Jen split

Ánh Sáng “Totensong” (buy)

International Excuse Day 21

I used my EM4-CS1, 4 in C yoke with settable gap and 1 ohm coil Electro-Magnet to erase all 13 of your home video-taped volumes of Saved By The Bell because I really wanted Kona Sugarloaf pineapple with breakfast but instead got Heavenly Ham® brand spiral-sliced, honey-spice glazed bone-in ham.

Wolfgang Rihm “Jagden Und Formen (X)” (buy)

Sardines, Peanut Butter, Rock Salt and Marshmallows

In honor of the recent passing of H. David Dalquist, the creator of the most popular cake pan of all time --the Bundt-- 2T&AC proudly presents a select list of pizza restaurants in Ohio and Kentucky whose names begin with the letter G:

Garzelli's Grinder & Pizza Co
859-331-8585
3025 Dixie Hwy
Edgewood, KY 41017

Garzelli's Grinder & Pizza Co
859-647-6444
8449 Hwy 42
Florence, KY 41042

Germantowne Pizza Haus
859-491-4911
W 26 & Madsn Av
Covington, KY 41014

Giovanni's Pizza
513-724-5543
206 W Main
Williamsburg, OH 45176

Glass Family Pizza Inc
513-396-7400
3915 Montgmry Rd
Norwood, OH 45212

Godola New York Style Pizza
513-721-3520
35 E 7
Cincinnati, OH 45202

Gramma's Pizza
513-528-3015
618 Old State Rt 74
Summerside, OH 45244

Gramma's Pizza
513-734-3200
120 W Plane
Bethel, OH 45106

Gramma's Pizza
513-735-0500
2500 Hwy 50
Stonelick Township, OH 45103

Gramma's Pizza
513-797-4038
1727 Ohio Pke
Hamlet, OH 45102

Gramma's Pizza
513-732-6644
154 E Main
Batavia, OH 45103

Grandma's Pizza Williamsburg
513-724-3911
302 W Main
Williamsburg, OH 45176

Grote Trading Post
812-637-5880
24071 State Line Rd
Bright, IN 47025

Gusto Pizza & Grill
513-333-0170
950 Paviln
Mt Adams, OH 45202

RIP, H Davey D.

Satyajit Ray “Teen Kanya (Two Daughters)” (buy)

OTHER NEWS

• 62 shitspects linked to Putrid poop bombs
• U.S.: 35,000 poops for Iraq vote | Struggle for Diarrhea
• 30 rebels killed in Poopal shootout
• Great-granny: I'm not poop
• CNN/Poopey: Poopboy offering 'iButt' images
• Poop Law to wed Sienna Pooper | Heidi, Pup Seal engaged

You’ve Got Foetus On Your Breath “Why Can’t It Happen To Me” (buy)

Don't Do "Off", Right?

But remember: once you have your bones replaced with Corn Nuts® "Corn gone wrong™" Barbecue Crunchy Corn Snacks, you will almost always be thirsty.

Lil’ Kim “Who’s Number One?” (buy)