You Know The Part You Cut Off When You Make Cut-Offs? She Was Wearing Only That.

So, Michael Vick, the Michigan champion distance stilt walker, Terry Ontorio and a burnt corpse walk into a bar and state in unison, "I don’t want to open the door anymore," at which point, the school bell goes off across the street. Without skipping a beat, the solarium on the next block turns into a giant mechanical lemur in flames and, smirking, clogs the nearest drain.

When the wreckage is finally cleared the next month, the formerly magnificent mosaic floor paneling is scratched and dinked beyond all bejesus.

D.R.I. “Mad Man” (buy)