Francine Forgot The Receipt

Hey kids—next time someone makes you so mad that you feel like cursing up such a storm that a retarded truckers’ convention looks like a heavily-sedated swab in the park, don’t come across like an undereducated nut-wab by shouting the same old monkey-hackey that every corner jockey uses, show them how unique your anger is by shouting this at them:

"401 Mandrel! 402 Mandrel! 403 Bristle Brush! 404 Bristle Brush! 421 Polishing Compound! 422 Felt Polishing Tip! 423 Cloth Wheel! 428 Carbon Steel Brush! 2 each of 425 Emery-Impregnated Polishing Wheel! 429 Felt Polishing Wheel! 520 Polishing Wheel! and 6 each of 414 Felt Polishing Wheel!"

Then, you’ll feel better for not gorging yourself on the lowest common denominator like so many piles of microwave-warmed spaghetti with Ragu®, and you will have that crumb-chasing half-stink clamoring for a crowbar like it's his mama's grey, saggy teat.

Orchester Wade Gabbe “Swinging Nordwest” (buy)