Space Exploration Is An Absurd Waste of Money: A One-Act Play

This play stars Oscar® winner Tom Hanks as Dr. Bill and acting phenom Tom Cruise as Dr. Stan.

[editor's note-- when these two-- The Toms (Cruise and Hanks {alphabetical, the only fair way})-- finally team up, not only will it be an action-packed, hilarious, tear-jerking tour de force, the fucking Academy will be PISSING little gold statues! It will make Lord of the Rings look like a nominee for Best Foreign Short Film or something! They will have to create new categories to acknowledge the true GREATNESS of the acting combo of the freaking century! The Toms: THE two finest actors of our time! (OF ALL TIME?) in one movie?! Fuck me!!]

Scene: a dramatically lit operating room. The two doctors, Bill and Stan, stand around an operating table examining the subject, which looks like a pile of raw ground beef, for several minutes without talking. Finally Dr. Bill speaks.

Dr. Bill: Well, I think all that's missing now are its head, arms, legs, internal organs and flesh.
Dr. Stan: I think you are right. But once we get those, we'll be done!
Dr. Bill: Yup. A little more government© funding would be nice, that's for sure.
Dr. Stan: I hear that! And some blowjobs! (winks)
(the doctors high-five)
Dr. Bill: Ha ha, yes! Giving or receiving?
(long pause)
Dr. Stan: So, ham for lunch again, huh?
Dr. Bill: Yeah, but it's a fresh kill!
(Dr. Stan looks like this gives him an idea as the curtain comes down.)

END