Fertile Exposé

i REALLY dont wana cum bak 2 scoo but i gta so i will. but im off aw dem 04 probs and ready to create da nu 05 onez. u might even c a change n my dang on tude. but hey i dont care f yaw iz how i c it.

but the physical pain cums from myself bcuz of the mental pain from sum1 else.

Sunny Murray “Giblets Pt. 12” (buy)

Tortured By Telepathy

In honor of the Pope’s death, 2T&AC proudly presents a select list of string instruments in order of how long each takes to tune (fastest to slowest):
Ukulele
Bass Guitar
Violin
Cello
Bass Guitar (like that dumbass from Korn would play)
Banjo
Guitar
Mandolin
Oud
12-String Guitar
Zither
Autoharp
Hammered Dulcimer
Piano
Harp

Pino Donaggio “School In Flames” (buy)

Domino/Stereo Effect

As a child, I was never allowed to have a gun, but I got a few of these, which were great fun. I wore out many a pooping paper, (easily replaced). The one pictured here (which is used and sold as is) was given as advertisement for “Won-Ton Bread” by White Bros. Bakery.

Michael Fakesch “Jazdrive” (buy)

I Think Mountain Dew® Code Red Will Get That Out

Hey, thanks for letting me stay here for the last few nights—it was really nice of you. Oh, by the way—sorry if the dog is a little sticky this morning, but I had a caramel dream last night.

Plastics “Park” (buy)

She Had Teeth For Days

When the world was new, when there weren’t more than squirrels running all over this—looking for girls, nifty architecture, what have you.

I sated my friends friends with moortunast presents.

Send the Mayflower! Send the Nina, the Pinta, the Santa Mari-a-gonna need some help!

The Fun and Games “The Grooviest Girl In The World” (buy)

Infamous Biology Swindle

This instructional hot-tub video is not just for the beginner, but for the seasoned professional as well. It comes with an easy-to-follow diagram with a time line as well as:
>All necessary chemicals
>Floating dispenser for tablets
>50 of the 4 way pregnancy test strips
>8 oz protect plus, activate shock
>Implantable cardioverter defibrillator
>The ability to do "noninvasive" electrophysiologic testing
>4 Chinchillas
>Several other miscellaneous products that could be considered helpful while hot-tubbing

Iunel Dinicu “Calusul Dance Melody” (buy)

Turpentine Followers

The Handbook of Turtles, has been out a while published in 1952 and is in its 9th printing. Needless to say it is a classic reference with valuable information for anyone interested in the Turtles of the United States, Canada and Baja California.

We thank the publishers for offering us a copy of this text for review here at Two Turtle Times Trombones & a Crossbow. I am amazed I had not come across this text before. I find myself referring to it on a normal basis when conversing with people about turtles that I am unfamiliar with.

Stock, Hausen & Walkman “Ice Worm Cocktail” (buy)
Jewel “Coffee Shop” (buy)

Information Techniques For Teens

The trouble with internal suction therapy is t… ….PLEASE NOTE!! All is not/will not have been EXTRAPOLORY !! With exception to the wi... ....NOTHing of value caught fire~ at least nothing of value, I mean.

Mihály Vig “Damnation Soundtrack, Excerpt 10” (buy)

Special Jokes Are Funny 9th Anniversary Special™ Edition

Farmer 1: Yeah, but I know my daughter’s handwriting.

Special Jokes Are Funny 9th Anniversary Special™ Edition presents:
A Message to Michelle:
Kelly hates you. Beyoncé hates you.

JJ Fad “Gold” (buy)

Musikladen Zu Verkaufen

I think the first drummer I heard and recognized as an exceptional part of a band was Clem Burke.

Rollerball “Union Veti” (buy)

Collateral Required³

If 30% of 2100 is 630, then why grandma, then why then do you have legs?

In related news: Jim Belushi is still alive.

The Sound Of Silvertones “The Breeze and I” (info)